For this post, I thought let’s review the last year’s wish list and see what wishes came true.
Ø The first wish was about my college and college mates. College has come to an end and I have made some good friends there. No more wasted weekends. Thank God! The wish stands fulfilled.
Ø The second wish was about Delhi Jal Board and their goof-ups. Now that we have got a submersible water pump installed in our home, DJB’s goof-ups won’t trouble us much as they used to earlier. But one still needs drinking water and I hope they do not do any more mischief. The wish is partially fulfilled.
Ø The third wish was about my lenses. My eyes have stopped watering, now that I’ve had my lenses changed. They do trouble me occasionally, but it’s okay. That wish has been fulfilled too.
Ø My father still does not occupy the bathroom by 8:25 though sometimes after much persuasion he has been kind enough to enter the bathroom by 8:15, but only sometimes (Such sometimes are rare). This wish has not been fulfilled.
Ø Well, the lectures haven’t stopped. In fact, the number has only increased with Bitch No.3 too entering the arena. So, this wish too has not been realised.
Ø Tanaz has left. So, there’s nobody to say “so sweet” repeatedly. I wish her well though; she was a nice girl. The wish too stands fulfilled, although not in a manner I desired. Nevertheless…
Ø My hypocrisy levels remain where they were last year. And now that I look back, they may have come down, but only a bit. Too bad. Not realised!
Ø There are all the more reasons to crib this year. This means that God is still to hear me out on this one.
Ø I suppose God granted me many more wishes last year. Fulfilled.
So, God gets 5-1/2 out of 9. Just about average. He’d better pull up his socks this year and brace himself (or herself, I'll let him/her choose this at least) for this year’s wish list.
Ø I wish I derive more satisfaction out of my work, which is now becoming tad too boring and routine.
Ø I wish that boss sees senseand reverts to the five-day routine and punish those who do not come in time, not the entire unsuspecting office janata.
Ø I wish that my exercise regimen finally works the way I want it to and help me reduce my weight as quickly as possible so that many of my problems get solved.
Ø I wish to get a nice appraisal and a promotion (for a bonus mark, God) so that I’m able to buy myself a nice laptop by next year. (Apple Macbook, perhaps. Hope I'm not asking for much.)
Ø I wish that my dad considers everyone’s point of view, not just his. I cannot do anything about the size of my bathroom now that it has been constructed, but he should allow me to move my stuff upstairs and not create any more pangas in that.
Ø I wish my mom does not grow panicky every time I’m 15 minutes late and does not call me after every hour just to know where I’ve reached.
Ø I wish all my friends stay close and that we do not fight as we had been doing a few weeks ago. Peace and love must reign.
Ø I wish to find at least one decent guy, who is worth thinking about, to say the least. And, here I’m not talking about my guy friends.
Ø I wish that all the last year’s unfulfilled and partially fulfilled wishes are realised this year.
Ø I wish that God grants me at least two more wishes this year just in case I need to ask for more.
Cheers and have a brilliant year ahead!
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
EM vs MI
Sitting, doing nothing… No… I’m doing something; I’m dreaming, or shall we say day-dreaming.
And then there’s this Major Irritant (let’s call it MI), a fly. Buzz, buzz it goes, disturbing my afternoon of peace and dreams.
The Exasperated Me (EM) decides to swat it, kill the intruder. It deserves it, EM murmurs. Armed with a copy of the magazine EM edits (Well! This is what the magazine's worth considering the kind of bozos who think that they write for it and the morons who head it and own it), she sees MI squatting on the computer she so dearly loves (she has recently scored more than 9,000 points in a Solitaire game recently, obviously she loves the computer). Pattttttttt! There’s a sound. EM looks hopefully. To her dismay, MI has escaped.
She looks around wildly, determined to punish it for sullying her afternoon’s chasteness. And then she spots it. There it is, sitting quite comfortably on her beloved black bag which she got for Rs 1,500. EM had spent half her allowances on it. She could not bring herself to swat MI there in case its blood polluted the sanctity of her bag. So, she decided to make it move a bit and thus, raises a hand to make it fly away.
MI decides to settle down on the CPU. Despite the camouflage, EM’s sharp eyes detect it. She goes for the kill. Pattttttttttttt! And she wins the match. The evil wins again in this Kaliyuga.
EM settles down for yet another daydream. Ah! Peace at last. Five minutes into the dream, buzz……..
And then there’s this Major Irritant (let’s call it MI), a fly. Buzz, buzz it goes, disturbing my afternoon of peace and dreams.
The Exasperated Me (EM) decides to swat it, kill the intruder. It deserves it, EM murmurs. Armed with a copy of the magazine EM edits (Well! This is what the magazine's worth considering the kind of bozos who think that they write for it and the morons who head it and own it), she sees MI squatting on the computer she so dearly loves (she has recently scored more than 9,000 points in a Solitaire game recently, obviously she loves the computer). Pattttttttt! There’s a sound. EM looks hopefully. To her dismay, MI has escaped.
She looks around wildly, determined to punish it for sullying her afternoon’s chasteness. And then she spots it. There it is, sitting quite comfortably on her beloved black bag which she got for Rs 1,500. EM had spent half her allowances on it. She could not bring herself to swat MI there in case its blood polluted the sanctity of her bag. So, she decided to make it move a bit and thus, raises a hand to make it fly away.
MI decides to settle down on the CPU. Despite the camouflage, EM’s sharp eyes detect it. She goes for the kill. Pattttttttttttt! And she wins the match. The evil wins again in this Kaliyuga.
EM settles down for yet another daydream. Ah! Peace at last. Five minutes into the dream, buzz……..
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Life in Metro Part III—Of Aunties, Seats and Sardars
What is it with aunties and seats? They just can’t get enough of them, even if it is for a 10-minute journey. This is a case with every woman who falls in the aunty-category i.e. a woman in her late thirties and above. Now a woman in her thirties cannot be so old that she cannot stand for as short a time as 10 minutes and that too in an AC coach, which is only a bit overcrowded. And if they so badly want to sit, why don’t they exercise themselves a bit, like we do.
That day, the metro station in question was overcrowded and me and Bitch no. 3 decided that instead of taking the one straight home, we should take the opposite metro and then double back. This way we will escape the crowd and get a seat as well. And we did just that. On that very metro station, as usual, people entered in hoards, pushing and jostling with each other, trying to make even those, who want to get off, complete—or if you want to put it like this—stretch their journey. We were sitting in seats made for two just where two coaches meet. Both of us prefer these seats as we can chat properly without anyone around and they’re damn comfortable to sit on, with proper siderests and all.
However, as is the case with all good things, our good fortune and the pride in it came to an end—an abrupt one. This particular aunty—must be around 40s—comes and says, “Please adjust kar lo”. Me and No.3 looked at each other’s faces. Hello? Seat… Do you see this is a place made for only two? Where would you like to sit? On our heads? In fact, before I could even think of such supposedly funny witticisms, I, to my horror of horrors, realised that I just didn’t know what to say. Such gross foolishness… But then, I realised you can expect such things out of aunties. No.3 shrugged and got up. I, then, decided there was no point sitting with that stupid aunty and I would rather stand as well. I gave my seat to an elderly woman, one can call her aunty too, but then this one was different from the crowd. She was old, must be in her 60s and even then didn’t ask for “adjustment”. I respect her for that, but had she asked for a seat, I would have readily given it to her.
I joined No.3 at the joint (for the uninitiated, it is the point where two coaches meet) and started venting my frustration about that stupid woman. She too was rather angry. After all, we had spent 10 minutes in trying to make ourselves comfortable in the metro. “I mean, honestly, how can she say stuff like that adjust kar lo? Typical sardar talks,” I spoke rather loudly, actually not that loudly, but, I think, it must’ve been enough for the people at the joint to hear me. No.3 tapped me and asked me to look behind. And to my horrors of horrors yet again (too many horrors for a day if you ask me; I’m getting rather tired of them), there was a sardar standing just behind. I turned back quickly and tried to console myself saying he most probably didn’t hear me. No.3 though insisted that he must have as she thought I was loud enough. Who gives a damn about what she thinks? But actually I do.
But the Sardar didn't react and thankfully for that. No.3 asked me to be careful about what I say. Well! she of the sanest of all individuals. Hrrrrmph! But by now, I had gotten another reason to crib about apart from that stupid aunty, "Why is it that whenever I crack Sardar jokes does a Sardar have to be around?" I kept riling on it for long and not without reason. This always happens with me, but thankfully, I have never faced the music. I get away with it. :)
But that aunty, I hope she never gets away with it again.......
That day, the metro station in question was overcrowded and me and Bitch no. 3 decided that instead of taking the one straight home, we should take the opposite metro and then double back. This way we will escape the crowd and get a seat as well. And we did just that. On that very metro station, as usual, people entered in hoards, pushing and jostling with each other, trying to make even those, who want to get off, complete—or if you want to put it like this—stretch their journey. We were sitting in seats made for two just where two coaches meet. Both of us prefer these seats as we can chat properly without anyone around and they’re damn comfortable to sit on, with proper siderests and all.
However, as is the case with all good things, our good fortune and the pride in it came to an end—an abrupt one. This particular aunty—must be around 40s—comes and says, “Please adjust kar lo”. Me and No.3 looked at each other’s faces. Hello? Seat… Do you see this is a place made for only two? Where would you like to sit? On our heads? In fact, before I could even think of such supposedly funny witticisms, I, to my horror of horrors, realised that I just didn’t know what to say. Such gross foolishness… But then, I realised you can expect such things out of aunties. No.3 shrugged and got up. I, then, decided there was no point sitting with that stupid aunty and I would rather stand as well. I gave my seat to an elderly woman, one can call her aunty too, but then this one was different from the crowd. She was old, must be in her 60s and even then didn’t ask for “adjustment”. I respect her for that, but had she asked for a seat, I would have readily given it to her.
I joined No.3 at the joint (for the uninitiated, it is the point where two coaches meet) and started venting my frustration about that stupid woman. She too was rather angry. After all, we had spent 10 minutes in trying to make ourselves comfortable in the metro. “I mean, honestly, how can she say stuff like that adjust kar lo? Typical sardar talks,” I spoke rather loudly, actually not that loudly, but, I think, it must’ve been enough for the people at the joint to hear me. No.3 tapped me and asked me to look behind. And to my horrors of horrors yet again (too many horrors for a day if you ask me; I’m getting rather tired of them), there was a sardar standing just behind. I turned back quickly and tried to console myself saying he most probably didn’t hear me. No.3 though insisted that he must have as she thought I was loud enough. Who gives a damn about what she thinks? But actually I do.
But the Sardar didn't react and thankfully for that. No.3 asked me to be careful about what I say. Well! she of the sanest of all individuals. Hrrrrmph! But by now, I had gotten another reason to crib about apart from that stupid aunty, "Why is it that whenever I crack Sardar jokes does a Sardar have to be around?" I kept riling on it for long and not without reason. This always happens with me, but thankfully, I have never faced the music. I get away with it. :)
But that aunty, I hope she never gets away with it again.......
Friday, June 01, 2007
In love
I am in love. With this:
This is called Sony Ericsson W850i.
Compareindia.com says: This 116 grams phone has a Lithium Polymer battery type, which allows you talk time of 450 minutes and stand by time of 350 hours. It has added features like 262K colour TFT display with resolution of 240 x 320 pixels, fm radio, push email client, voice dial, voice mail, call conferencing, triband, vibration mode, predictive text input, polyphonic ring tones, stopwatch, calculator, calendar, tasks, handsfree speaker, ring tone composer, countdown timer, SMS, EMS, MMS, GPRS, Bluetooth, Infrared, USB connector, flight mode, inbuilt Dictaphone, equalizer, mp3, mpeg4 and media player, and is WAP enabled. It comes with dual camera - 2MP camera with 4x zoom, flash, white balancer, self timer, night mode, multi-shot, light effects, video recording and secondary VGA camera in front for Video Call. This phone is PDA enabled and has a cHTML, WAP 1.2.1, WAP 2.0 browser. It has an inbuilt memory of 16MB and slot for memory stick pro duo.
Me says: I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it. But it costs a mad Rs 19,000.... :(
This is called Sony Ericsson W850i.Compareindia.com says: This 116 grams phone has a Lithium Polymer battery type, which allows you talk time of 450 minutes and stand by time of 350 hours. It has added features like 262K colour TFT display with resolution of 240 x 320 pixels, fm radio, push email client, voice dial, voice mail, call conferencing, triband, vibration mode, predictive text input, polyphonic ring tones, stopwatch, calculator, calendar, tasks, handsfree speaker, ring tone composer, countdown timer, SMS, EMS, MMS, GPRS, Bluetooth, Infrared, USB connector, flight mode, inbuilt Dictaphone, equalizer, mp3, mpeg4 and media player, and is WAP enabled. It comes with dual camera - 2MP camera with 4x zoom, flash, white balancer, self timer, night mode, multi-shot, light effects, video recording and secondary VGA camera in front for Video Call. This phone is PDA enabled and has a cHTML, WAP 1.2.1, WAP 2.0 browser. It has an inbuilt memory of 16MB and slot for memory stick pro duo.
Me says: I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it. But it costs a mad Rs 19,000.... :(
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Heel-ed
What happens when a not-so-girlish girl tries to be girlish? Disaster.
The day began with the usual nautankis of mine. I forced dad to drop me to the Metro station because it was him who made me get into that freak course (though I have started enjoying myself there but I’m not telling him otherwise I will loose my pick-and-drop service). After the course I had plans to go and watch Spidey 3 with Bitch No. 1 and Bitch No. 3. I am no. 2 (You can find us on bitchno.whatever@kaminepankihadd.com. The website has been under consideration since two years.)
Bad luck struck (as usual). We couldn’t manage to get the tickets despite stalking a pair of men who were waiting for some of their friends and had just two tickets. We decided to sit in our good ol’Mc Donald’s where we usually hang around and can be found either tarot carding or making fun of others. Even the staff knows us well. In fact, I did a tarot session with them too for which they gave us free ice-creams. All details later.
So, we were just sitting idle and watching television there when we happened to meet a friend, who was with his friend. This friend of his is known to us and it so happened that he is more into girls now. Let’s call him bug. He has turned into a major irritating factor. He suggested that we paid a visit to the newest mall in town and we agreed.
Now it so happened that No. 3 was wearing pencil heels. Since she had thought that all she was going to do was to watch the movie and then hitch her ass on to a rickshaw and get home, she thought she might as well wear heels. While pencilled heels need one to sit and look pretty and not walk around much, you need to make proper use of your feet to explore a mall. As it is No. 3 walks a bit slow and add heels to that, you get Snail No. 1. She said her ankles were aching. So, being the benevolent friend that I am, I decided to put an end to her miseries. I asked her to change footwear with me.
And the misadventure began. Destiny and heels made me realise how tough modelling can be. It needs brains to manage yourself and I suppose nothing short of a management degree would do. Trying not to fall on somebody, I started walking. Even normally, I sleepwalk most of the times and keep bumping into people. So not bumping into anyone and not stepping on their toes became a perilous job. I would rather have Mr UM's story to edit everyday (He writes shit and I hate doing his stories which are about crappy issues anyway. I don’t know who clears such stories).
We couldn’t get a rickshaw till the Metro station and had to walk. On top of that, No. 3 decided to treat us with ice candies. I wanted an ice cream but she will have none of it. Ice candy it was, and that too from a vendor who didn't have my favourite raspberry-mango candy. I had to settle down for a cola. (She is such a bitch). So, finally there I was, balancing the bag, the ice candy, the heels and myself, walking, or rather trying to walk, and people giving me company from time-to-time. No. 1 was quite sympathetic (she could have been better) but couldn’t help much as Bug was irritating her. No. 3 was acting Mommy, trying to help me cross the road.
Finally, I saw heaven. There it was, smiling benignly at me, asking me to take refuge in it—the Metro station. But God decided to have one last bit of fun at my expense before he retired for the day. An imposing flight of stairs greeted me. That could have been enough to dash all my hopes. But I am a shameless git. I simply took off the heels at the metro station and walked barefoot. Braving the stupefied glances and smirks, I walked on and on and finally boarded the Metro and slumped myself on to the seat and then proceeded to taunt No. 3. I told her what a big fool she was (she still is and will perhaps remain one all her life) and how I got her a boil because of her foolishness. However, being a thick skin, she took my taunts in her stride and I was unsuccessful yet again to reform her girlish ways.
The boil has healed, but not before I was heel-ed.
The day began with the usual nautankis of mine. I forced dad to drop me to the Metro station because it was him who made me get into that freak course (though I have started enjoying myself there but I’m not telling him otherwise I will loose my pick-and-drop service). After the course I had plans to go and watch Spidey 3 with Bitch No. 1 and Bitch No. 3. I am no. 2 (You can find us on bitchno.whatever@kaminepankihadd.com. The website has been under consideration since two years.)
Bad luck struck (as usual). We couldn’t manage to get the tickets despite stalking a pair of men who were waiting for some of their friends and had just two tickets. We decided to sit in our good ol’Mc Donald’s where we usually hang around and can be found either tarot carding or making fun of others. Even the staff knows us well. In fact, I did a tarot session with them too for which they gave us free ice-creams. All details later.
So, we were just sitting idle and watching television there when we happened to meet a friend, who was with his friend. This friend of his is known to us and it so happened that he is more into girls now. Let’s call him bug. He has turned into a major irritating factor. He suggested that we paid a visit to the newest mall in town and we agreed.
Now it so happened that No. 3 was wearing pencil heels. Since she had thought that all she was going to do was to watch the movie and then hitch her ass on to a rickshaw and get home, she thought she might as well wear heels. While pencilled heels need one to sit and look pretty and not walk around much, you need to make proper use of your feet to explore a mall. As it is No. 3 walks a bit slow and add heels to that, you get Snail No. 1. She said her ankles were aching. So, being the benevolent friend that I am, I decided to put an end to her miseries. I asked her to change footwear with me.
And the misadventure began. Destiny and heels made me realise how tough modelling can be. It needs brains to manage yourself and I suppose nothing short of a management degree would do. Trying not to fall on somebody, I started walking. Even normally, I sleepwalk most of the times and keep bumping into people. So not bumping into anyone and not stepping on their toes became a perilous job. I would rather have Mr UM's story to edit everyday (He writes shit and I hate doing his stories which are about crappy issues anyway. I don’t know who clears such stories).
We couldn’t get a rickshaw till the Metro station and had to walk. On top of that, No. 3 decided to treat us with ice candies. I wanted an ice cream but she will have none of it. Ice candy it was, and that too from a vendor who didn't have my favourite raspberry-mango candy. I had to settle down for a cola. (She is such a bitch). So, finally there I was, balancing the bag, the ice candy, the heels and myself, walking, or rather trying to walk, and people giving me company from time-to-time. No. 1 was quite sympathetic (she could have been better) but couldn’t help much as Bug was irritating her. No. 3 was acting Mommy, trying to help me cross the road.
Finally, I saw heaven. There it was, smiling benignly at me, asking me to take refuge in it—the Metro station. But God decided to have one last bit of fun at my expense before he retired for the day. An imposing flight of stairs greeted me. That could have been enough to dash all my hopes. But I am a shameless git. I simply took off the heels at the metro station and walked barefoot. Braving the stupefied glances and smirks, I walked on and on and finally boarded the Metro and slumped myself on to the seat and then proceeded to taunt No. 3. I told her what a big fool she was (she still is and will perhaps remain one all her life) and how I got her a boil because of her foolishness. However, being a thick skin, she took my taunts in her stride and I was unsuccessful yet again to reform her girlish ways.
The boil has healed, but not before I was heel-ed.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Repeat... That's the whole tragedy
Exactly a week left for me to turn 21. Imagine me being 21! Sounds funny doesn't it? But I've hardly changed and yet there's a change. That's the irony of my life. The thing is there and yet not there. I want something and yet I do not want that thing. Most of the times, I am in a confusion whether to go in for that thing or not, whether to say something or not, whether I want to be good or bad. That's what happens with this blog too—I want to write and yet when I start to write, I don't like it and tell myself that something better needs to be put up here in this space and I end up erasing every little precious thing I wrote. Imagine! I have at least two drafts of blog pieces in my post which I am yet to complete and though I plan to complete them soon, my mood swings to the other side and they are left as they were. Phew! Quite a long and complex sentence. But then that's how my life is. Long, dull, complicated and boring. And I had thought that being complicated was fun.
I often digress from my point. I have so much to say that I puke all over the screen without giving a thought about you, my poor readers. This blog has been silent for quite some time. Not that I haven't tried to write; I swear I did but I ended up somehow increasing the number of drafts in my blog. And there are still two more copies in my register that I'd written during a class and had thought would post it here and couldn't as they never got completed as somebody interrupted me and now I do not feel like completing them. That's the whole problem. Repetitive na.. I know.. That's a tragedy too.
Some people say I crib a lot. I agree. Many people say this is an angst-ridden blog. I agree again. But then I can't help it. Maybe I can but I've never tried. I suppose I must give it a try but I think I will keep forgetting this that I have to restrain myself. Even when I write this, I remember that I have to restrain myself. Off you go! Back to my books. I was supposed to study and I'm blogging. This is my problem (I know I am repeating myself..and this 'repeat' dialogue is repeating itself again). I just cannot help digress and restrain myself. (Repeat) There I go again. Apologies! And more apologies for not having written anything this month. I had planned to write something about my resolutions this birthday but somehow ended up cribbing yet again. But planning won't help me. Most of my plans go haywire just like this one did. The reason—my not sticking to the script. Take, for instance, my morning walks which have stopped again, first for that Goddamn special issue and then because of the Goddamn college and its exams. So, I might just put up a NO RESOLUTION board yet again like this:
NO RESOLUTION (though I am planning to start morning walking again)
Oh! and bye for now. I suppose I wrote a lot after saying I will stop and I just get this feeling that I'm going to start all over again. This is a Goddamn vicious cirlce. Irony yet again! (Repeat) Buhbye! And my apologies for all repetitions and many many thanks for being so tolerant of me. And now I am thinking of putting a headline, it is there and yet not there. Repetitive again... I know. That's the problem, I know everything and yet not know anything. Shut up Devil!
I often digress from my point. I have so much to say that I puke all over the screen without giving a thought about you, my poor readers. This blog has been silent for quite some time. Not that I haven't tried to write; I swear I did but I ended up somehow increasing the number of drafts in my blog. And there are still two more copies in my register that I'd written during a class and had thought would post it here and couldn't as they never got completed as somebody interrupted me and now I do not feel like completing them. That's the whole problem. Repetitive na.. I know.. That's a tragedy too.
Some people say I crib a lot. I agree. Many people say this is an angst-ridden blog. I agree again. But then I can't help it. Maybe I can but I've never tried. I suppose I must give it a try but I think I will keep forgetting this that I have to restrain myself. Even when I write this, I remember that I have to restrain myself. Off you go! Back to my books. I was supposed to study and I'm blogging. This is my problem (I know I am repeating myself..and this 'repeat' dialogue is repeating itself again). I just cannot help digress and restrain myself. (Repeat) There I go again. Apologies! And more apologies for not having written anything this month. I had planned to write something about my resolutions this birthday but somehow ended up cribbing yet again. But planning won't help me. Most of my plans go haywire just like this one did. The reason—my not sticking to the script. Take, for instance, my morning walks which have stopped again, first for that Goddamn special issue and then because of the Goddamn college and its exams. So, I might just put up a NO RESOLUTION board yet again like this:
NO RESOLUTION (though I am planning to start morning walking again)
Oh! and bye for now. I suppose I wrote a lot after saying I will stop and I just get this feeling that I'm going to start all over again. This is a Goddamn vicious cirlce. Irony yet again! (Repeat) Buhbye! And my apologies for all repetitions and many many thanks for being so tolerant of me. And now I am thinking of putting a headline, it is there and yet not there. Repetitive again... I know. That's the problem, I know everything and yet not know anything. Shut up Devil!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
A father and his daughter
This was a poem that I wrote in class XII on my father and the kind of relationship I share with him. I wondered if I could produce it here. So here it goes:
Me and my father are a perfect match,
Our arguments are worth hearing and a treat to watch.
We just need a topic that's all,
It does not matter whether it's big or small.
Whether India will see a new light,
Or it can be today's students' miserable plight.
The calories I burn is a regular issue,
In the end though none of us, but my mother needs a tissue.
I just love to argue with him,
So many topics in my mind regularly swim.
He too needs just a little hint,
In our debates, around the world we sprint.
Jules Verne took eighty days to go around the world,
Spare us just eighty seconds sir! Isn't it a record?
In the end, none of us wins,
Though the heat of our arguments burns people's skins.
In our home, you will never find a dove,
But spare that, we do each other love.
Without us, our home is barren, there's no laughter,
After all, he is my dad and I, his daughter.
Love you Dad. You are the first man in my life and there can be no other man who can take that place away from you. You will be the most important man in my life—forever. Come what may...
Me and my father are a perfect match,
Our arguments are worth hearing and a treat to watch.
We just need a topic that's all,
It does not matter whether it's big or small.
Whether India will see a new light,
Or it can be today's students' miserable plight.
The calories I burn is a regular issue,
In the end though none of us, but my mother needs a tissue.
I just love to argue with him,
So many topics in my mind regularly swim.
He too needs just a little hint,
In our debates, around the world we sprint.
Jules Verne took eighty days to go around the world,
Spare us just eighty seconds sir! Isn't it a record?
In the end, none of us wins,
Though the heat of our arguments burns people's skins.
In our home, you will never find a dove,
But spare that, we do each other love.
Without us, our home is barren, there's no laughter,
After all, he is my dad and I, his daughter.
Love you Dad. You are the first man in my life and there can be no other man who can take that place away from you. You will be the most important man in my life—forever. Come what may...
Friday, January 12, 2007
Life in Metro II—How to comb your hair in the train
If you do not have a mirror at your place, please do not worry. The Metro train is there to help all the hapless mirror-less poor souls in the dustbin of Delhi. Here's what you should do:
- Buy a Metro token for the metro train. It will be better if you have a smart card with you. Makes job easier and faster. Even more better if you take the token for the underground stretch.
- Press your token or card to that entry barrier-thing (Dunno what's it called. If anyone knows the correct name, please be kind enough to get back to me)
- Next thing, climb down (if you want you can climb upstairs as well. But if you really want to use the Metro train as a mirror, it would be better if you use the underground. Makes the peering job better). Use the escalator but it would be better if you make use of your natural escalators (your feet, silly boy/girl.. depends upon what you are. If you are none... then I am sorry, my English vocabulary ends here). Using both man-made and natural escalators together increases you speed (confused how? Well read Life in Metro Part I. Scroll down Honitus or save the agony of scrolling by clicking the link I have provided you lazybones).
- Wait for the Metro train to arrive. Many-a-times, it arrives 1-2 minutes late. If it is, then mouth some abuses at the driver. Trust me, that'll help.
- Rush into the Metro as most of your co-passengers do. If you are not that rush-type, then please stand back and enjoy the scene. Just make sure that you do not miss the train in your moment of enjoyment. If you do, start again with point number 4.
- Now that you are inside the train, I will tell you the position of the mirror. It is the glass of the doors my dear friends. Brace yourself for the most difficult part: the combing itself. Just try and stand near the gates and it'll be fine. It would be better of you stand near that gate that remains closed throughout the journey. The logic behind this is that since the other set of gates would keep opening and closing and a swarm of medieval Red Indians will keep coming in, chances are that you won't be able to comb your hair and the entire exercise would be rendered fruitless.
- With a hand on the handle, try peering into the glass and straightening your hair. The effects will be visible better if you are in the underground stretch. The darkness always helps. *wink*wink*
- Now your hair stand combed and you are ready to face the world. Who says the world needs a mirror? The metro is enough.
P.S. As a precaution, try not to step on the passenger standing next you while doing your hair. Just hold the handle tight so that you do not fall. Otherwise, there may not be any hair left on your scalp for you to comb.
I would like to express my gratitude to the anonymous co-passenger whom I met in the underground stretch and who demonstrated the elegant way in which the above exercise can be conducted. Thank you sir. May God bless your soul and may the Metro train glasses be spotlessly cleaned everyday to enable you to do this exercise daily and demonstrate your expertise in handling such delicate situations.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Some Cribs and a Wish List
Although I had promised that I am not going to crib before the year ends, something absolutely forced me to crib again.
Ø I am unable to understand what’s up with my lenses. Every time I wear them, my right eye becomes watery and forces me to fill buckets. It grows red giving me a dopey look. It has also made my right eye look smaller than my left one. Hell! Interestingly, I cry only with one eye (the right one of course) and seeing the condition of the eye, the nose starts crying and running at the same time.
Ø Another thing that is troubling me is my boss’s attitude. He treats me like an outcaste and a fathead who doesn’t understand anything. He makes me feel that my dad wasted his money by in trying to educate me as I am (he thinks so) still an uneducated ass.
Ø Why does my father insist on occupying the bathroom only after 8:30 am? Why not around 8:25 am? He should understand that now even I have to go to office and it’s not just him who’s working now. Is he aware that a word called ‘adjustment’ exists in the world?
Ø Why does Tanaz have to say “so sweet” to every darned thing?
Most people make resolutions for the New Year, I am making a Wish List and I hope that the chap who lives in the skies and calls himself God fulfills these wishes. Here goes the list:
Ø I wish that my college and college mates behave properly with me and try to understand that it is hateful to keep on thinking about their own selves and comfort.
Ø I wish that Delhi Jal Board does not goof up on the water supply in our locality so that we are not forced to go to the temple a street away to fill our buckets and that my grandmother sees the logic behind my so many arguments on leaving this locality for good.
Ø I wish that my lenses stop troubling my eyes and try not to turn them into hosepipes.
Ø I wish that my boss stops behaving like that.
Ø I wish that my father occupies the bathroom by 8:25 in the morning and vacates it by 8:50.
Ø I wish that I get lectured less from now on.
Ø I wish Tanaz stops saying “so sweet” to every darned thing.
Ø I wish my hypocrisy level goes down by the same time next year.
Ø I wish that I will have fewer reasons to crib next year.
Ø I wish that God grants me two more wishes the next year just in case I need to ask for more.
Cheers and wish you all a very Happy New Year!
Ø I am unable to understand what’s up with my lenses. Every time I wear them, my right eye becomes watery and forces me to fill buckets. It grows red giving me a dopey look. It has also made my right eye look smaller than my left one. Hell! Interestingly, I cry only with one eye (the right one of course) and seeing the condition of the eye, the nose starts crying and running at the same time.
Ø Another thing that is troubling me is my boss’s attitude. He treats me like an outcaste and a fathead who doesn’t understand anything. He makes me feel that my dad wasted his money by in trying to educate me as I am (he thinks so) still an uneducated ass.
Ø Why does my father insist on occupying the bathroom only after 8:30 am? Why not around 8:25 am? He should understand that now even I have to go to office and it’s not just him who’s working now. Is he aware that a word called ‘adjustment’ exists in the world?
Ø Why does Tanaz have to say “so sweet” to every darned thing?
Most people make resolutions for the New Year, I am making a Wish List and I hope that the chap who lives in the skies and calls himself God fulfills these wishes. Here goes the list:
Ø I wish that my college and college mates behave properly with me and try to understand that it is hateful to keep on thinking about their own selves and comfort.
Ø I wish that Delhi Jal Board does not goof up on the water supply in our locality so that we are not forced to go to the temple a street away to fill our buckets and that my grandmother sees the logic behind my so many arguments on leaving this locality for good.
Ø I wish that my lenses stop troubling my eyes and try not to turn them into hosepipes.
Ø I wish that my boss stops behaving like that.
Ø I wish that my father occupies the bathroom by 8:25 in the morning and vacates it by 8:50.
Ø I wish that I get lectured less from now on.
Ø I wish Tanaz stops saying “so sweet” to every darned thing.
Ø I wish my hypocrisy level goes down by the same time next year.
Ø I wish that I will have fewer reasons to crib next year.
Ø I wish that God grants me two more wishes the next year just in case I need to ask for more.
Cheers and wish you all a very Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Life in the Metro
This has been a rather frustrating end of the year. However, I want to end it on a humorous note. So, now I present a little anecdote from my life in the Metro (Metro as in the Metro train), though I must admit my Haryanvi language is extremely bad. So my apologies.
As usual the day began with lectures—that how I do not exercise and stuff like that. As usual I ignored it and settled down with the newspaper and shouted at my brother to stop bothering me with his set of Maths problems (Maths and I hardly go together and nor can we tolerate each other. I refuse to solve its problems and its problems just refuse to be solved by me). Anyways, we are digressing from the topic. Finally got ready to go to office after wondering what to wear today as everything that was staring at me from my wardrobe was O! so boring! The water as usual was hot and I was still feeling cold. After dressing up in all the finery and having had a typical unexciting breakfast of bread and butter with Bournvita milk, I stepped out of my house armed with a P.G. Wodehouse to read in the Metro. As usual I contemplated what mode of transport should I use—rickshaw or bus. I settled down in favour of the bus thinking that since it is winters, I would be better off in a warm bus, even if it is crowded, rather than a windy rickshaw. So left-right-left (I had just watched this programme on TV. The effects were still to wear off. The programme is about army cadets and features quite a number of eye-candies. Anyways, back to the topic again) I went to the bus-stop, boarded the bus and thanked God that it wasn’t too crowded and mentally uttered abuses at a few gawk-ers (Lord! How I hate such people) and finally reached the Metro station.
Again the usual—huffing and puffing, I finally climbed the stairs of the Metro station (They do not make escalators in our part of the metro station. This is what happens to the minority community in this country— injustice. The number of people who travel in the Metro from our part of the station is smaller than the other side—this makes us the minority community among the Metro travellers. We want reservation! We want reservation! Hopefully I will get a seat in the train from now on). Oho! Again we digress. Coming back, this time I got the escalator and climbed up. You see, that makes it quick—climbing the escalators with the escalator climbing in the same direction takes you up faster (This is Nobody’s Devil Law of Motion! But I hate Physics too!). And so I am on the platform now. The train arrives 1 minute late and I mentally reprimand the driver for being “so” late forgetting that it is India we live in. Then as usual, I stand back bemused watching the way in which people are trying to get into the train, literally pushing and pulling each other as if the train is going to leave them there and the next train isn’t going to come. I make a mental note of this and nod to myself in a righteous sort of way that at least I am not a part of this rat race quite forgetting the fact that it is me who has made an effort to remember the exact point on the platform where a door of the train opens.
(And now for the real bit) After being successful in finding my favourite place to stand in the train, I look around just to make sure nobody is gawking at me (if I had found such a person, I would have taken the pleasure of calling him a few names as well. Sadistic! One may say. However, I have found a new victim for that—my boss). Then I fished out my P.G., as I lovingly call it, and started reading. The train keeps halting at Metro station and moving again, as it is supposed to do. Comes: Pratap Nagar Metro Station. Enter: Mr. Haryanvi Jaat.
Mr Haryanvi Jaat (let’s call him HJ just like that weirdo Michael Jackson—MJ or maybe Mary Jane of Spiderman fame): Oh bhai! Ye Shahadra jayegi k nahi? [Will this train go to Shahadra?]
Helpful Passenger: Haan haan jayegi tau. [Yes, yes, it will uncle]
(Methought: Is it a f*****g bus?)
HJ is unable to balance himself. Falls on the passenger standing nearby who is looking distraught at having been relegated to such a torture. I, meanwhile, try to contain my laughter.
HJ: Ib is goley ka k karoon main? [What am I supposed to do with this token. Please note, the gola in question is the Metro token?]
Helpful Passenger: Is ko jab Shahadra utrogey tab dabbe me daal dena. [When you arrive at Shahadra, put it in the box].
HJ: Ye Shahadra jayegi na? [Will this go to Shahadra or not?]
(Methought: How many times are you going to ask that? Shut up now and let me read! The fool!)
The guy standing opposite to me is gaping at HJ in wonder contemplating whether he belongs to some other planet. I grin at him. He doesn’t grin back, clearly lost in thoughts. (Methought: Of course HJ belongs to the other planet—Haryana. Now that was a racial slur. Bad girl!)
By now it seemed that Helpful Passenger had gotten tired of him.
Helpful Passenger: Tau Metro me zyada bolna mana hai. [Uncle speaking too much is banned in Metro]
But HJ is damn smart.
HJ: Ib dikha de k kidhar likha hai Silence. [Show me where is it written: Silence, obviously he meant Maintain Silence.] (But this was no time to display my subbing skills. There was too much excitement on the ground, or maybe in the air, or mid-air. Oh whatever! Just read on!)
Repeats the dialogue a number of times, much to the amusement of the people around.
(Methought: This guy is just too cool. I am his fan. Autograph please!)
HJ: Acha beta! Manne ye bata k je tumhara thaila kho jaye, to kahan report likhwani padti hai. Mera thaila kho gaya tha pichli baar Metro me. K wo mil jayega? [Son! Tell me where should I report if I lose my bag in the Metro. I lost my bag last time here. Will I get it back?]
By now it seemed to me as if Helpful Passenger was in a mood to have fun with HJ.
Helpful Passenger: Tau agar paise honge to kabhi na milega. [If it had money, you will never find it]
HJ: Na beta. Paise na the. Bas kuch kagaz they, kachcha aur baniyan tha. [It did not have money. It had a pair of undergarments]
Helpful Passenger: Driver se pooch lena. [Ask the driver].
(Methought: The driver must be wearing your kachcha [underwear] and baniyan [vest] right now. That too over this pants playing Superman. Now that was an old joke)
In between the conversation, HJ had already asked whether the train will go to Shahadra at least once more. While most of us were getting down at Kashmiri Gate (wonder why Kashmiri Gate. Kashmir is in Jammu and Kashmir, not in Delhi), he asked once more the same question.
(Methought: If he says it once more, I am gonna scream and say... No, this one goes to Timbaktu)
As usual the day began with lectures—that how I do not exercise and stuff like that. As usual I ignored it and settled down with the newspaper and shouted at my brother to stop bothering me with his set of Maths problems (Maths and I hardly go together and nor can we tolerate each other. I refuse to solve its problems and its problems just refuse to be solved by me). Anyways, we are digressing from the topic. Finally got ready to go to office after wondering what to wear today as everything that was staring at me from my wardrobe was O! so boring! The water as usual was hot and I was still feeling cold. After dressing up in all the finery and having had a typical unexciting breakfast of bread and butter with Bournvita milk, I stepped out of my house armed with a P.G. Wodehouse to read in the Metro. As usual I contemplated what mode of transport should I use—rickshaw or bus. I settled down in favour of the bus thinking that since it is winters, I would be better off in a warm bus, even if it is crowded, rather than a windy rickshaw. So left-right-left (I had just watched this programme on TV. The effects were still to wear off. The programme is about army cadets and features quite a number of eye-candies. Anyways, back to the topic again) I went to the bus-stop, boarded the bus and thanked God that it wasn’t too crowded and mentally uttered abuses at a few gawk-ers (Lord! How I hate such people) and finally reached the Metro station.
Again the usual—huffing and puffing, I finally climbed the stairs of the Metro station (They do not make escalators in our part of the metro station. This is what happens to the minority community in this country— injustice. The number of people who travel in the Metro from our part of the station is smaller than the other side—this makes us the minority community among the Metro travellers. We want reservation! We want reservation! Hopefully I will get a seat in the train from now on). Oho! Again we digress. Coming back, this time I got the escalator and climbed up. You see, that makes it quick—climbing the escalators with the escalator climbing in the same direction takes you up faster (This is Nobody’s Devil Law of Motion! But I hate Physics too!). And so I am on the platform now. The train arrives 1 minute late and I mentally reprimand the driver for being “so” late forgetting that it is India we live in. Then as usual, I stand back bemused watching the way in which people are trying to get into the train, literally pushing and pulling each other as if the train is going to leave them there and the next train isn’t going to come. I make a mental note of this and nod to myself in a righteous sort of way that at least I am not a part of this rat race quite forgetting the fact that it is me who has made an effort to remember the exact point on the platform where a door of the train opens.
(And now for the real bit) After being successful in finding my favourite place to stand in the train, I look around just to make sure nobody is gawking at me (if I had found such a person, I would have taken the pleasure of calling him a few names as well. Sadistic! One may say. However, I have found a new victim for that—my boss). Then I fished out my P.G., as I lovingly call it, and started reading. The train keeps halting at Metro station and moving again, as it is supposed to do. Comes: Pratap Nagar Metro Station. Enter: Mr. Haryanvi Jaat.
Mr Haryanvi Jaat (let’s call him HJ just like that weirdo Michael Jackson—MJ or maybe Mary Jane of Spiderman fame): Oh bhai! Ye Shahadra jayegi k nahi? [Will this train go to Shahadra?]
Helpful Passenger: Haan haan jayegi tau. [Yes, yes, it will uncle]
(Methought: Is it a f*****g bus?)
HJ is unable to balance himself. Falls on the passenger standing nearby who is looking distraught at having been relegated to such a torture. I, meanwhile, try to contain my laughter.
HJ: Ib is goley ka k karoon main? [What am I supposed to do with this token. Please note, the gola in question is the Metro token?]
Helpful Passenger: Is ko jab Shahadra utrogey tab dabbe me daal dena. [When you arrive at Shahadra, put it in the box].
HJ: Ye Shahadra jayegi na? [Will this go to Shahadra or not?]
(Methought: How many times are you going to ask that? Shut up now and let me read! The fool!)
The guy standing opposite to me is gaping at HJ in wonder contemplating whether he belongs to some other planet. I grin at him. He doesn’t grin back, clearly lost in thoughts. (Methought: Of course HJ belongs to the other planet—Haryana. Now that was a racial slur. Bad girl!)
By now it seemed that Helpful Passenger had gotten tired of him.
Helpful Passenger: Tau Metro me zyada bolna mana hai. [Uncle speaking too much is banned in Metro]
But HJ is damn smart.
HJ: Ib dikha de k kidhar likha hai Silence. [Show me where is it written: Silence, obviously he meant Maintain Silence.] (But this was no time to display my subbing skills. There was too much excitement on the ground, or maybe in the air, or mid-air. Oh whatever! Just read on!)
Repeats the dialogue a number of times, much to the amusement of the people around.
(Methought: This guy is just too cool. I am his fan. Autograph please!)
HJ: Acha beta! Manne ye bata k je tumhara thaila kho jaye, to kahan report likhwani padti hai. Mera thaila kho gaya tha pichli baar Metro me. K wo mil jayega? [Son! Tell me where should I report if I lose my bag in the Metro. I lost my bag last time here. Will I get it back?]
By now it seemed to me as if Helpful Passenger was in a mood to have fun with HJ.
Helpful Passenger: Tau agar paise honge to kabhi na milega. [If it had money, you will never find it]
HJ: Na beta. Paise na the. Bas kuch kagaz they, kachcha aur baniyan tha. [It did not have money. It had a pair of undergarments]
Helpful Passenger: Driver se pooch lena. [Ask the driver].
(Methought: The driver must be wearing your kachcha [underwear] and baniyan [vest] right now. That too over this pants playing Superman. Now that was an old joke)
In between the conversation, HJ had already asked whether the train will go to Shahadra at least once more. While most of us were getting down at Kashmiri Gate (wonder why Kashmiri Gate. Kashmir is in Jammu and Kashmir, not in Delhi), he asked once more the same question.
(Methought: If he says it once more, I am gonna scream and say... No, this one goes to Timbaktu)
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
To add to it....
Still more to add to my existing frustrations, this is what has been happening:
Ø There has been no water supply since 3 days. My grandmother refuses to leave this damned place and refuses to see the problems her children and grandchildren are facing without water. Had it been peak summer, I would have understood that there is shortage of water, but it is winters now. Areas around our locality are facing no such problems, then why only us? Everyday we have to fetch water from the temple a lane away—which has got a water booster—and carry the water to the first floor. Last year in the summers we had faced similar problems. Water had eluded us for 10 days at a stretch. I am sick of this locality, sick of this darned Haiderpur gaon.
The other day, I shouted hard at God, called him names and told him if I had friends like him, then I am better off without enemies. But he doesn't listen. There are enemies. Why is he like that?
Ø There has been no water supply since 3 days. My grandmother refuses to leave this damned place and refuses to see the problems her children and grandchildren are facing without water. Had it been peak summer, I would have understood that there is shortage of water, but it is winters now. Areas around our locality are facing no such problems, then why only us? Everyday we have to fetch water from the temple a lane away—which has got a water booster—and carry the water to the first floor. Last year in the summers we had faced similar problems. Water had eluded us for 10 days at a stretch. I am sick of this locality, sick of this darned Haiderpur gaon.
The other day, I shouted hard at God, called him names and told him if I had friends like him, then I am better off without enemies. But he doesn't listen. There are enemies. Why is he like that?
Friday, December 15, 2006
Reasons why I am frustrated...
Ø I am going to miss out on an office party. Reason—practical exam for a subject that is just about useless and is called Radio Programme Formats. when the name of the paper is so dull and drab that one can very well imagine the content of the subject. And for such a subject, I am going to miss out on a rocking office party. :( :( :(
Ø This makes me regret why, in the first place, did I agree to join the stupid course. Why did I give in? I have nothing but my own weakness to blame for the same. But there is no use crying over spilt milk now. What had to occur has occurred and it cannot be changed as much as I may want a time machine to make the necessary changes.
Ø Another thing and this one is not my fault—that college is crap. My 54 grand stands wasted. The machines do not work properly and if they do, there is no electircity and there are no generators in our part of the world (read: campus. The other parts have been connected with the generator but it is only the Centre for Media Studies that has been singled out for this step-motherly treatment. If I try and be liberal, the faculty is just about average. We have been left like orphans, trying to find our feet in the University on our own with no one to help us. The weekend programme has been converted into a weekday programme to complete all the pending work beacuse the studios were not ready on time and we lost at least 2 months. Just to make the grim picture complete, the authorities have been made to feel as if we are not serious about our studies. I mean what the hell!
Ø On top of it all, my parents are not ready to admit that taking admission into this Goddamn university was a mistake. They feel they have done the right thing. One gets post-graduate degrees in any damned correspondence course from any non-descript university and that too in peanuts if it was just the degree that they were interested in. But no… they are always correct.
Yeah, I am frustrated. Anyone will be. Everything seems to predict just doom. Doom Doom Doom and Boom, I just blew up. Some day IP University, you are gonna pay. And I will make sure that day comes soon.
Ø This makes me regret why, in the first place, did I agree to join the stupid course. Why did I give in? I have nothing but my own weakness to blame for the same. But there is no use crying over spilt milk now. What had to occur has occurred and it cannot be changed as much as I may want a time machine to make the necessary changes.
Ø Another thing and this one is not my fault—that college is crap. My 54 grand stands wasted. The machines do not work properly and if they do, there is no electircity and there are no generators in our part of the world (read: campus. The other parts have been connected with the generator but it is only the Centre for Media Studies that has been singled out for this step-motherly treatment. If I try and be liberal, the faculty is just about average. We have been left like orphans, trying to find our feet in the University on our own with no one to help us. The weekend programme has been converted into a weekday programme to complete all the pending work beacuse the studios were not ready on time and we lost at least 2 months. Just to make the grim picture complete, the authorities have been made to feel as if we are not serious about our studies. I mean what the hell!
Ø On top of it all, my parents are not ready to admit that taking admission into this Goddamn university was a mistake. They feel they have done the right thing. One gets post-graduate degrees in any damned correspondence course from any non-descript university and that too in peanuts if it was just the degree that they were interested in. But no… they are always correct.
Yeah, I am frustrated. Anyone will be. Everything seems to predict just doom. Doom Doom Doom and Boom, I just blew up. Some day IP University, you are gonna pay. And I will make sure that day comes soon.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The sting
Yesterday while observing the people around me in the Metro train and looking for a story to put here, a sudden thought struck me. Considering the fact that I have been solving a lot of love-related problems over the week, I think I have become quite a pro. So yesterday I was merely thinking, what exactly is love. Pop comes the answer—it's a sting operation.
Just when your defences are on the lowest, it attacks you and that too at the most sensitive area—the heart. Just like in a sting operation, the journalist attacks a personality when his defences are at the lowest and at the most sensitive place—his fame, love does the same. The sting scars the personality's fame, love scars the heart. The heart bleeds and the fame bleeds.
One look at your face betrays the fact that you are in love; one look at the personality's face betrays that this is the bad guy. And you know that once you are in love, the news is sure going to leak—if not now, then at some other time, and you are gone. Same way, the news that you have done something wrong is going to leak any way. So an interesting comparison also crops up: LOVE=BAD GUY. And when you are a bad guy, the sting is deemed to follow.
And both—sting operation and love hurt. Both give you sleepless nights and both give you illusions of happiness. When the sting takes place, the celebrity feels happy as they have got a victim, you feel happy as you think you have found someone who may love you. But when reality dawns, life gets hell, and you go mad.
So beware, beware of the sting of love. And protect yourself.
Just when your defences are on the lowest, it attacks you and that too at the most sensitive area—the heart. Just like in a sting operation, the journalist attacks a personality when his defences are at the lowest and at the most sensitive place—his fame, love does the same. The sting scars the personality's fame, love scars the heart. The heart bleeds and the fame bleeds.
One look at your face betrays the fact that you are in love; one look at the personality's face betrays that this is the bad guy. And you know that once you are in love, the news is sure going to leak—if not now, then at some other time, and you are gone. Same way, the news that you have done something wrong is going to leak any way. So an interesting comparison also crops up: LOVE=BAD GUY. And when you are a bad guy, the sting is deemed to follow.
And both—sting operation and love hurt. Both give you sleepless nights and both give you illusions of happiness. When the sting takes place, the celebrity feels happy as they have got a victim, you feel happy as you think you have found someone who may love you. But when reality dawns, life gets hell, and you go mad.
So beware, beware of the sting of love. And protect yourself.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
A Crazy Saturday Morning
Sitting at the back and listening to a crazy woman speaking, can be like hell. But yes, being a devil, I am able to take things pretty comfortably at this point of time. That is beacuse, I am not really listerning to whatever crap she's belting out.
The crazy woman is talking about attitude, speaking all wrong English. I am trying to control my urge to go ahead and correct her. Hearing someone using all sorts of cliches like a glass of water half empty or half full, can seriously get you. But the fact that I am able to write without her noticing it, has come something as a fresh breeze of air. As it is the weather outside is so very 'sexy' (as my good friend Priyanka describes), I am really restraining myself to ask her to stop blabbing away.
She's asking me to bear with her, but I think that I really can't grant her that privilege. She's a nobody for me, and I don't think I can love her as a teacher because this God damn course has made me give up my weekends. And I hate anyone and anything that makes me do that. I love my weekends and giving them up is a pain in the most uncompfortable part (I think you know what part am talking about).
As another of my uncle-cum-classmate walks in, I wonder what made me crazy enough to give up my weekends just to let this shit of a woman spoil it by chattering her heart away. On this crazy Saturday, I can do nothing except repent at my foolhardyness
The crazy woman is talking about attitude, speaking all wrong English. I am trying to control my urge to go ahead and correct her. Hearing someone using all sorts of cliches like a glass of water half empty or half full, can seriously get you. But the fact that I am able to write without her noticing it, has come something as a fresh breeze of air. As it is the weather outside is so very 'sexy' (as my good friend Priyanka describes), I am really restraining myself to ask her to stop blabbing away.
She's asking me to bear with her, but I think that I really can't grant her that privilege. She's a nobody for me, and I don't think I can love her as a teacher because this God damn course has made me give up my weekends. And I hate anyone and anything that makes me do that. I love my weekends and giving them up is a pain in the most uncompfortable part (I think you know what part am talking about).
As another of my uncle-cum-classmate walks in, I wonder what made me crazy enough to give up my weekends just to let this shit of a woman spoil it by chattering her heart away. On this crazy Saturday, I can do nothing except repent at my foolhardyness
Sunday, August 20, 2006
The villain
Say villain and the first image that comes to the mind is:
Gabbar Singh saying, "Kitne aadmi they."
And then, Amrish Puri. "Mogambo khush hua."
Gulshan Grover. "Bad Man."
Shahrukh Khan. "K-K-K-K-Kiran" (Uff, the stutterer)
The last example is something that is very true to all love stories. Where is a love story, there is a villain. All the problems that occur in the love story are because of that villain. The vilalin will surface after the honeymoon period is over and leave behind a tale of destruction, agonies and loades of tears. (Sniff... Sniff... Pass that tissue please... The villain will leave behind a trail of trissues too.)
In Munnabhai MBBS, the villain was +(no, you guessed it wrong... it wasn't Boman Irani) Dr. Suman's love for her father.
In Page 3, it was the guy's ambition and his unscrupulous ways who were the villain.
In Darr, it was Shahrukh Khan.
In Padosan, it was Bhola's inability to sing.
Moving on to the world of books. In Romeo and Juliet, the lovers' families were the villains. In Harry Potter, it is Harry's destiny. In Othello, it was Iago who was the villain. Closer home, in Ramayana, it was Ravana who was the villain. (O a personal note though, I would rather have Ravana than three mothers-in-law.) In Devdas, it was the caste system that was the villain.
In my world, there have been several villains too. Although I have never been the protagonist of the love stories (more of the extra character), I have seen things going horribly wrong. The villains were: the physical distance between the two, the tendency to lie, libido, a troubled past, family.
Wonder who would be the villain if I am the protagonist of a love story. Hmmm hmmm hmmm. Eureka!!! I know it. It;s gonna be the devil and that's me, me, me.
A dangerous game may soon begin... (Abhishek Bachchan's dad. Oh! I love Abhishek Bachchan. Now if only I get him, I promise not to play villain.)
Gabbar Singh saying, "Kitne aadmi they."
And then, Amrish Puri. "Mogambo khush hua."
Gulshan Grover. "Bad Man."
Shahrukh Khan. "K-K-K-K-Kiran" (Uff, the stutterer)
The last example is something that is very true to all love stories. Where is a love story, there is a villain. All the problems that occur in the love story are because of that villain. The vilalin will surface after the honeymoon period is over and leave behind a tale of destruction, agonies and loades of tears. (Sniff... Sniff... Pass that tissue please... The villain will leave behind a trail of trissues too.)
In Munnabhai MBBS, the villain was +(no, you guessed it wrong... it wasn't Boman Irani) Dr. Suman's love for her father.
In Page 3, it was the guy's ambition and his unscrupulous ways who were the villain.
In Darr, it was Shahrukh Khan.
In Padosan, it was Bhola's inability to sing.
Moving on to the world of books. In Romeo and Juliet, the lovers' families were the villains. In Harry Potter, it is Harry's destiny. In Othello, it was Iago who was the villain. Closer home, in Ramayana, it was Ravana who was the villain. (O a personal note though, I would rather have Ravana than three mothers-in-law.) In Devdas, it was the caste system that was the villain.
In my world, there have been several villains too. Although I have never been the protagonist of the love stories (more of the extra character), I have seen things going horribly wrong. The villains were: the physical distance between the two, the tendency to lie, libido, a troubled past, family.
Wonder who would be the villain if I am the protagonist of a love story. Hmmm hmmm hmmm. Eureka!!! I know it. It;s gonna be the devil and that's me, me, me.
A dangerous game may soon begin... (Abhishek Bachchan's dad. Oh! I love Abhishek Bachchan. Now if only I get him, I promise not to play villain.)
Thursday, July 20, 2006
marriages made in hell
yeah, I picked this title from Today...
but the thoughts are mine... ok?
My friend Siddharth Sharma was disappointed with my first post... i see that he wants to know more abt me... well, Mr. Sharma, it isn't so easy to know so much about me in a very short span of time... U need to try harder...
Now about marriages... Marriages may be made in heaven, but they become hell on earth... oh yes, they do... There is nothing like they lived happily ever after.... That happens only in movies and let me tell you it's nothing but a bit of crap... A sucker for happy endings is telling you that... So you ought to believe me... And you better believe me... otherwise.... U know what to expect...
You start off your marriage expecting everything is gonna be hunky-dunky-enter-the Honeymoon phase- You laugh, laugh, feel happy and think now that ur love is near you everything is going to be well... You think it's cute when he asks for that towel that he left behind, you think, she's cute when she says that you do not know how to cook...
Two months later-enter-the real phase- You start arguing... You feel irritated whenever he asks for that towel, you feel insulted when she says you do not know how to cook... Hell breaks loose.... And then u have kids and your life turns into a shit... The romance goes down the drain and you end up worrying about the kids' future, their studies and their career....
After that you grow old... thats the whole story...
So, man go out and flirt... Have live-in relationships... enjoy the honeymoon period and then when the real period starts... Leave... HAVE FUN
P.S. but i would like to go through all this hell.... And why- DEVILS RESIDE IN HELL
but the thoughts are mine... ok?
My friend Siddharth Sharma was disappointed with my first post... i see that he wants to know more abt me... well, Mr. Sharma, it isn't so easy to know so much about me in a very short span of time... U need to try harder...
Now about marriages... Marriages may be made in heaven, but they become hell on earth... oh yes, they do... There is nothing like they lived happily ever after.... That happens only in movies and let me tell you it's nothing but a bit of crap... A sucker for happy endings is telling you that... So you ought to believe me... And you better believe me... otherwise.... U know what to expect...
You start off your marriage expecting everything is gonna be hunky-dunky-enter-the Honeymoon phase- You laugh, laugh, feel happy and think now that ur love is near you everything is going to be well... You think it's cute when he asks for that towel that he left behind, you think, she's cute when she says that you do not know how to cook...
Two months later-enter-the real phase- You start arguing... You feel irritated whenever he asks for that towel, you feel insulted when she says you do not know how to cook... Hell breaks loose.... And then u have kids and your life turns into a shit... The romance goes down the drain and you end up worrying about the kids' future, their studies and their career....
After that you grow old... thats the whole story...
So, man go out and flirt... Have live-in relationships... enjoy the honeymoon period and then when the real period starts... Leave... HAVE FUN
P.S. but i would like to go through all this hell.... And why- DEVILS RESIDE IN HELL
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
what about me
Yeah this is my first post, so you would do better not to criticise it... And before I write any more, I would like You guys to know that i like writing full words... I hate using words like m and u for am and you... And even if I use them, u people have no right to complain because this is my blog and I am gonna do exactly what I want to...
By now, you would have guessed it that am a dictator... Ok yes i am, what can you about it... As far as I am concerned, nothing... I am used to getting my way often but now and then I do relent and let other people have their way... So, am a bit of a mad dictator... So, am not really like Hitler... And don't even try to compare me to him because if u do, I can kill as well...
So, what else is left about me to know... Ok what do I do... Well I was born with a perennial blue pen in my hand... I have a fetish for finding faults with others and have made a career out of it...
And there is one thing that I just can't stop thanking God about... That the stork delievered me on time... Had it not, I would have been born on Fools' Day and made a fool out of myself... Now it is the other way round... I make fools of others....
By the way, do you guys have nothing to do? Going through a mad devilish sub-editor's blog... Oops, I let that slip... Well whatever, I did that deliberately...
So, I was saying that do something else, u won't find anything better in this blod except mad rants and raves... And if you plan to read my future posts as well, I would like to say, don't ever criticise me... And remember the apostrophe... Never insult an apostrophe in front of me!!!
Because I am a devil who belongs to no one... I AM NOBODY'S DEVIL
By now, you would have guessed it that am a dictator... Ok yes i am, what can you about it... As far as I am concerned, nothing... I am used to getting my way often but now and then I do relent and let other people have their way... So, am a bit of a mad dictator... So, am not really like Hitler... And don't even try to compare me to him because if u do, I can kill as well...
So, what else is left about me to know... Ok what do I do... Well I was born with a perennial blue pen in my hand... I have a fetish for finding faults with others and have made a career out of it...
And there is one thing that I just can't stop thanking God about... That the stork delievered me on time... Had it not, I would have been born on Fools' Day and made a fool out of myself... Now it is the other way round... I make fools of others....
By the way, do you guys have nothing to do? Going through a mad devilish sub-editor's blog... Oops, I let that slip... Well whatever, I did that deliberately...
So, I was saying that do something else, u won't find anything better in this blod except mad rants and raves... And if you plan to read my future posts as well, I would like to say, don't ever criticise me... And remember the apostrophe... Never insult an apostrophe in front of me!!!
Because I am a devil who belongs to no one... I AM NOBODY'S DEVIL
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