Love in the Times of Riches

I had been commissioned to write some pieces for a website, which was supposed to be this next-hottest-thing on the Internet. However, the owners chickened out of the deal at the last moment. This is one of the four articles that I had written and now that I will be no longer paid to write for them nor would these articles be used, I have taken the liberty of putting them here. I have struck off a few lines as they do not go with the general nature of this blog.

Please go through them and tell me was this article good enough to be used or not. One can say that this is my idea of revenge, but then this can be taken as healthy criticism as well. Anyways, both bouquets and brickbats are welcome. Here it goes:

These are rich times. We love our comforts and serve to increase them, making alliances that help us climb the “success” ladder.

Success—a relative term yet again. Some define it as an ability to earn as much material comforts as possible. Then there is this other school of thought, according to which, success is your ability of being remembered long after you’re gone. They say that you do it by spreading love.

But we live in busy times where one does not have time for love—here it means romantic love. Every actor has at least once in their lives claimed that they can’t afford to fall in love. But ultimately, they do. That’s the beauty of it all.

However, somehow, in our quest of wealth, we all tend to run away from love. We have a tendency to consider it as a burden, something that will chain us and yet, come on let’s face it, still love those lovey-dovey numbers by Kailash Kher and Savage Garden, not because of the music alone but because of the lyrics as well.

So, then why does such a contradiction exist in our lives? To this, my dear friends, I have no answer. I won’t pretend to be a saint, nor would I be hypocritical about it—I am still hesitant to embrace love.

The article may not make sense to many. They may say that I’m being too vague and random in my thoughts. However, there are many who do know what I’m talking about, who’ve been here and understand my feelings. The next paragraph is for them and for those who’ve stuck with me till here.

The Eagles have doled out some great advice in the form of their haunting number Desperado.
Don’t you draw the queen of diamonds boy,
She’ll hurt you if she’s able,
You know the queen of hearts is always your bet.

Despite this being one of my favourite songs, I find myself unable to follow what it preaches. What about you?

EM vs MI

Sitting, doing nothing… No… I’m doing something; I’m dreaming, or shall we say day-dreaming.

And then there’s this Major Irritant (let’s call it MI), a fly. Buzz, buzz it goes, disturbing my afternoon of peace and dreams.

The Exasperated Me (EM) decides to swat it, kill the intruder. It deserves it, EM murmurs. Armed with a copy of the magazine EM edits (Well! This is what the magazine's worth considering the kind of bozos who think that they write for it and the morons who head it and own it), she sees MI squatting on the computer she so dearly loves (she has recently scored more than 9,000 points in a Solitaire game recently, obviously she loves the computer). Pattttttttt! There’s a sound. EM looks hopefully. To her dismay, MI has escaped.

She looks around wildly, determined to punish it for sullying her afternoon’s chasteness. And then she spots it. There it is, sitting quite comfortably on her beloved black bag which she got for Rs 1,500. EM had spent half her allowances on it. She could not bring herself to swat MI there in case its blood polluted the sanctity of her bag. So, she decided to make it move a bit and thus, raises a hand to make it fly away.

MI decides to settle down on the CPU. Despite the camouflage, EM’s sharp eyes detect it. She goes for the kill. Pattttttttttttt! And she wins the match. The evil wins again in this Kaliyuga.

EM settles down for yet another daydream. Ah! Peace at last. Five minutes into the dream, buzz……..

Life in Metro Part III—Of Aunties, Seats and Sardars

What is it with aunties and seats? They just can’t get enough of them, even if it is for a 10-minute journey. This is a case with every woman who falls in the aunty-category i.e. a woman in her late thirties and above. Now a woman in her thirties cannot be so old that she cannot stand for as short a time as 10 minutes and that too in an AC coach, which is only a bit overcrowded. And if they so badly want to sit, why don’t they exercise themselves a bit, like we do.

That day, the metro station in question was overcrowded and me and Bitch no. 3 decided that instead of taking the one straight home, we should take the opposite metro and then double back. This way we will escape the crowd and get a seat as well. And we did just that. On that very metro station, as usual, people entered in hoards, pushing and jostling with each other, trying to make even those, who want to get off, complete—or if you want to put it like this—stretch their journey. We were sitting in seats made for two just where two coaches meet. Both of us prefer these seats as we can chat properly without anyone around and they’re damn comfortable to sit on, with proper siderests and all.

However, as is the case with all good things, our good fortune and the pride in it came to an end—an abrupt one. This particular aunty—must be around 40s—comes and says, “Please adjust kar lo”. Me and No.3 looked at each other’s faces. Hello? Seat… Do you see this is a place made for only two? Where would you like to sit? On our heads? In fact, before I could even think of such supposedly funny witticisms, I, to my horror of horrors, realised that I just didn’t know what to say. Such gross foolishness… But then, I realised you can expect such things out of aunties. No.3 shrugged and got up. I, then, decided there was no point sitting with that stupid aunty and I would rather stand as well. I gave my seat to an elderly woman, one can call her aunty too, but then this one was different from the crowd. She was old, must be in her 60s and even then didn’t ask for “adjustment”. I respect her for that, but had she asked for a seat, I would have readily given it to her.

I joined No.3 at the joint (for the uninitiated, it is the point where two coaches meet) and started venting my frustration about that stupid woman. She too was rather angry. After all, we had spent 10 minutes in trying to make ourselves comfortable in the metro. “I mean, honestly, how can she say stuff like that adjust kar lo? Typical sardar talks,” I spoke rather loudly, actually not that loudly, but, I think, it must’ve been enough for the people at the joint to hear me. No.3 tapped me and asked me to look behind. And to my horrors of horrors yet again (too many horrors for a day if you ask me; I’m getting rather tired of them), there was a sardar standing just behind. I turned back quickly and tried to console myself saying he most probably didn’t hear me. No.3 though insisted that he must have as she thought I was loud enough. Who gives a damn about what she thinks? But actually I do.

But the Sardar didn't react and thankfully for that. No.3 asked me to be careful about what I say. Well! she of the sanest of all individuals. Hrrrrmph! But by now, I had gotten another reason to crib about apart from that stupid aunty, "Why is it that whenever I crack Sardar jokes does a Sardar have to be around?" I kept riling on it for long and not without reason. This always happens with me, but thankfully, I have never faced the music. I get away with it. :)

But that aunty, I hope she never gets away with it again.......

Gateway to Heaven

Clicked in Connaught Place... Should have focused more on the sky... What to do.... I'm learning...

The colours of today

View from atop the Pitampura Metro Station. Lovely ain't it?

Lessons I have learnt Part 1

These are some of the things I have learnt over the years:

Ø Every action in itself is not bad or good, it is its aftermaths that decide whether it was good or not.

Ø One pays for one’s own deeds.

Ø God believes in keeping balance sheets in perfect order. He rewards you when you make him happy and punishes you when you make him unhappy; and the punishment comes when you expect it the least.

Ø All good things must come to an end. Ditto with all bad things as well, though somehow good things do not last that long, or so it seems to us.

Ø Believe it or not, somehow somewhere you end up taking shit from someone or the other and most of the times that person is not worth taking shit from.

Ø At the end of the day, you are all alone to face the world and you have to do what you have to.

Ø Quest for knowledge is an essential part of life, be it from personal experiences, books, television, films or travel.

Ø Everything is subjective to one’s perspective. Objectivity is a farce, an ideal not worth even trying for.

Ø There are always two facets of a story, if not many. One must choose which one we want to believe and it is these choices in life that make us what we are.

Ø Never expect anything from anyone. Trust me, it hurts when you are let down.

Ø Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.

Ø Accept change as a part of life. It is the only truth worth accepting. Nothing comes closer to it, not even God and not even love.

Ø Everyone is eccentric in his/her way.

Ø And lastly, even if you hate being yourself, don’t force yourself to change if your heart does not allow it. Change yourself, only if it makes you happy. Do not be concerned about what others think of you.

Hopefully, there will be further additions to this list.

In love

I am in love. With this:

This is called Sony Ericsson W850i.

Compareindia.com says: This 116 grams phone has a Lithium Polymer battery type, which allows you talk time of 450 minutes and stand by time of 350 hours. It has added features like 262K colour TFT display with resolution of 240 x 320 pixels, fm radio, push email client, voice dial, voice mail, call conferencing, triband, vibration mode, predictive text input, polyphonic ring tones, stopwatch, calculator, calendar, tasks, handsfree speaker, ring tone composer, countdown timer, SMS, EMS, MMS, GPRS, Bluetooth, Infrared, USB connector, flight mode, inbuilt Dictaphone, equalizer, mp3, mpeg4 and media player, and is WAP enabled. It comes with dual camera - 2MP camera with 4x zoom, flash, white balancer, self timer, night mode, multi-shot, light effects, video recording and secondary VGA camera in front for Video Call. This phone is PDA enabled and has a cHTML, WAP 1.2.1, WAP 2.0 browser. It has an inbuilt memory of 16MB and slot for memory stick pro duo.

Me says: I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it. But it costs a mad Rs 19,000.... :(

Heel-ed

What happens when a not-so-girlish girl tries to be girlish? Disaster.

The day began with the usual nautankis of mine. I forced dad to drop me to the Metro station because it was him who made me get into that freak course (though I have started enjoying myself there but I’m not telling him otherwise I will loose my pick-and-drop service). After the course I had plans to go and watch Spidey 3 with Bitch No. 1 and Bitch No. 3. I am no. 2 (You can find us on bitchno.whatever@kaminepankihadd.com. The website has been under consideration since two years.)

Bad luck struck (as usual). We couldn’t manage to get the tickets despite stalking a pair of men who were waiting for some of their friends and had just two tickets. We decided to sit in our good ol’Mc Donald’s where we usually hang around and can be found either tarot carding or making fun of others. Even the staff knows us well. In fact, I did a tarot session with them too for which they gave us free ice-creams. All details later.

So, we were just sitting idle and watching television there when we happened to meet a friend, who was with his friend. This friend of his is known to us and it so happened that he is more into girls now. Let’s call him bug. He has turned into a major irritating factor. He suggested that we paid a visit to the newest mall in town and we agreed.

Now it so happened that No. 3 was wearing pencil heels. Since she had thought that all she was going to do was to watch the movie and then hitch her ass on to a rickshaw and get home, she thought she might as well wear heels. While pencilled heels need one to sit and look pretty and not walk around much, you need to make proper use of your feet to explore a mall. As it is No. 3 walks a bit slow and add heels to that, you get Snail No. 1. She said her ankles were aching. So, being the benevolent friend that I am, I decided to put an end to her miseries. I asked her to change footwear with me.

And the misadventure began. Destiny and heels made me realise how tough modelling can be. It needs brains to manage yourself and I suppose nothing short of a management degree would do. Trying not to fall on somebody, I started walking. Even normally, I sleepwalk most of the times and keep bumping into people. So not bumping into anyone and not stepping on their toes became a perilous job. I would rather have Mr UM's story to edit everyday (He writes shit and I hate doing his stories which are about crappy issues anyway. I don’t know who clears such stories).

We couldn’t get a rickshaw till the Metro station and had to walk. On top of that, No. 3 decided to treat us with ice candies. I wanted an ice cream but she will have none of it. Ice candy it was, and that too from a vendor who didn't have my favourite raspberry-mango candy. I had to settle down for a cola. (She is such a bitch). So, finally there I was, balancing the bag, the ice candy, the heels and myself, walking, or rather trying to walk, and people giving me company from time-to-time. No. 1 was quite sympathetic (she could have been better) but couldn’t help much as Bug was irritating her. No. 3 was acting Mommy, trying to help me cross the road.

Finally, I saw heaven. There it was, smiling benignly at me, asking me to take refuge in it—the Metro station. But God decided to have one last bit of fun at my expense before he retired for the day. An imposing flight of stairs greeted me. That could have been enough to dash all my hopes. But I am a shameless git. I simply took off the heels at the metro station and walked barefoot. Braving the stupefied glances and smirks, I walked on and on and finally boarded the Metro and slumped myself on to the seat and then proceeded to taunt No. 3. I told her what a big fool she was (she still is and will perhaps remain one all her life) and how I got her a boil because of her foolishness. However, being a thick skin, she took my taunts in her stride and I was unsuccessful yet again to reform her girlish ways.

The boil has healed, but not before I was heel-ed.

Hakuna Matata

There’s just one philosophy that’s worth considering, that of Hakuna Matata. However, it ain’t that easy to follow. To many it doesn’t sound propah.

I, however, have never cared about anything being proper or improper. But there are some things that never seem to go away—that of change. It’s a reality—I won’t call it a sad one—people change. It’s pretty natural. It is, in fact, required to keep life going, for a process called evolution of man, of the self.

People, whom I care about, say I have changed. I agree I have and I can never be apologetic about it. Though, I am a bit uncomfortable with myself and with the world, I am sure that if I give myself time, the discomfort will vanish. I don’t have problems with myself, at least not right now.

However, the part of the world where I live and love, does not feel comfortable with me any longer. My friends, who care for me and love me more than I love myself, are perturbed and perhaps, upset. One has even cried because of this change. All I can say is that I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Moreover, I didn’t even know what was going on. Though I did have a vague idea that they were feeling bad and left-out because of me changing. But I wonder why they didn’t tell me anything about it earlier. And I wonder why they couldn’t digest the new me. Did I behave so despicably?

If only life could have been much more simpler and problem-free…

If only Hakuna Matata could work for me as well, or perhaps, work for others around me.

Lazybones

Me hates morning walks... :'(

Repeat... That's the whole tragedy

Exactly a week left for me to turn 21. Imagine me being 21! Sounds funny doesn't it? But I've hardly changed and yet there's a change. That's the irony of my life. The thing is there and yet not there. I want something and yet I do not want that thing. Most of the times, I am in a confusion whether to go in for that thing or not, whether to say something or not, whether I want to be good or bad. That's what happens with this blog too—I want to write and yet when I start to write, I don't like it and tell myself that something better needs to be put up here in this space and I end up erasing every little precious thing I wrote. Imagine! I have at least two drafts of blog pieces in my post which I am yet to complete and though I plan to complete them soon, my mood swings to the other side and they are left as they were. Phew! Quite a long and complex sentence. But then that's how my life is. Long, dull, complicated and boring. And I had thought that being complicated was fun.

I often digress from my point. I have so much to say that I puke all over the screen without giving a thought about you, my poor readers. This blog has been silent for quite some time. Not that I haven't tried to write; I swear I did but I ended up somehow increasing the number of drafts in my blog. And there are still two more copies in my register that I'd written during a class and had thought would post it here and couldn't as they never got completed as somebody interrupted me and now I do not feel like completing them. That's the whole problem. Repetitive na.. I know.. That's a tragedy too.

Some people say I crib a lot. I agree. Many people say this is an angst-ridden blog. I agree again. But then I can't help it. Maybe I can but I've never tried. I suppose I must give it a try but I think I will keep forgetting this that I have to restrain myself. Even when I write this, I remember that I have to restrain myself. Off you go! Back to my books. I was supposed to study and I'm blogging. This is my problem (I know I am repeating myself..and this 'repeat' dialogue is repeating itself again). I just cannot help digress and restrain myself. (Repeat) There I go again. Apologies! And more apologies for not having written anything this month. I had planned to write something about my resolutions this birthday but somehow ended up cribbing yet again. But planning won't help me. Most of my plans go haywire just like this one did. The reason—my not sticking to the script. Take, for instance, my morning walks which have stopped again, first for that Goddamn special issue and then because of the Goddamn college and its exams. So, I might just put up a NO RESOLUTION board yet again like this:
NO RESOLUTION (though I am planning to start morning walking again)

Oh! and bye for now. I suppose I wrote a lot after saying I will stop and I just get this feeling that I'm going to start all over again. This is a Goddamn vicious cirlce. Irony yet again! (Repeat) Buhbye! And my apologies for all repetitions and many many thanks for being so tolerant of me. And now I am thinking of putting a headline, it is there and yet not there. Repetitive again... I know. That's the problem, I know everything and yet not know anything. Shut up Devil!

A father and his daughter

This was a poem that I wrote in class XII on my father and the kind of relationship I share with him. I wondered if I could produce it here. So here it goes:

Me and my father are a perfect match,
Our arguments are worth hearing and a treat to watch.
We just need a topic that's all,
It does not matter whether it's big or small.

Whether India will see a new light,
Or it can be today's students' miserable plight.
The calories I burn is a regular issue,
In the end though none of us, but my mother needs a tissue.

I just love to argue with him,
So many topics in my mind regularly swim.
He too needs just a little hint,
In our debates, around the world we sprint.

Jules Verne took eighty days to go around the world,
Spare us just eighty seconds sir! Isn't it a record?
In the end, none of us wins,
Though the heat of our arguments burns people's skins.

In our home, you will never find a dove,
But spare that, we do each other love.
Without us, our home is barren, there's no laughter,
After all, he is my dad and I, his daughter.

Love you Dad. You are the first man in my life and there can be no other man who can take that place away from you. You will be the most important man in my life—forever. Come what may...

Perhaps...

A sun ray falls on the yellow petal of the flower and the dew drop so far resting on it, glistens with a new-found energy. He loved nature. It bestowed him with an enthusiasm for life, for its eccentricities and its playfulness. His muddled thoughts used to pave way to a peaceful and an uncluttered mind. His heart used to reach out to the dew drop, to kiss the yellow, sun-lit face of the flower.

The fact that a part of his life was gone never seemed to bother him. He looked forward to the next moment in the same way as a class topper looks forward to the next set of exams—to show off, to strut his stuff and to display to the world that he is the best, not through words but through actions.

And yet under this calm demeanour, there was a fear that lurked. It was not the fear of failure. It wasn’t the fear of death. It was the fear of unhappiness—an unhappiness that comes from disappointing those you love, an unhappiness that comes when you get disappointed with life. Perhaps, labelling the fear as that of unhappiness would be wrong. Perhaps, unhappiness should be substituted with disappointment.

Perhaps, life cannot be as simple as a dew drop’s life as much as he and we may want it to be.

In the process...

Life is good, but it could have been better. But then even Salman Khan could have been taller and Himesh Reshammiya tolerable. However, there is something that I miss profoundly, something that I find unable to express in words, maybe because am yet to figure out what it is.

There seems to be a void inside me that just refuses to be bridged with the other part of the soul. Even if I am busy, it makes its presence felt the moment I take a breather. And before people start using that l-word, I would like to clarify that such pangs never used to hit me before. It’s just that I find myself changing, growing more obstinate and unreasonable and the mood swings are getting more and more pronounced these days.

Those silent moments in a conversation are increasing. It makes me feel as if I have nothing more to say to anyone. This is happening to a "chuchu ka murabba" who could never cease talking even for a moment. I get into strange moods, doubt myself, and seem to be in search of something every moment—sometimes knowledge, sometimes peace.

Is it work pressure? I don’t think so. After all, I love my work and even though I get touchy about it, work pressure can never make me say and do things that I do not want to.

I want to stop for some time, stop and watch, stop and then move, explore myself and the world around. I think I have been running too much of late. My moments of peace seem to get disturbed every time. But I cannot stop, at least not right now; I have miles to go.

But really can anyone just explain to me what’s been happening all this while and why is this transformation taking place and that too at a speed which bewilders me?

Truckloads of Gibberish

The feeling is still to sink in. There’s this wonderful sunlight all around that is permeating through me. Everything seems so very distant and yet so far. The cup of contradictions seems to be overflowing—delighting me and saddening me all at once. A bed full of roses is not required at the moment; what is required is a hot cup of coffee.

Whatever has been written so far, is nothing but gibberish. But this is what I have been feeling. Gibberish—that’s what! I am unable to understand anything that’s been happening and is still happening. I am typing this stuff as if in a trance—as if I do not know anything that I am doing, Feeling mad. Let me feel more mad…

Asdaksdhkajhdfkfdsv dsfndsfosfjdsvnnbavsdv fa;gdfkaeifawej;fpqwefjarlnvga anfakdfanfdjfnakfmn nafkfaejiadrj;fvnbfjbvand akdfjalfnakdfrfa;dfjnbjaadpopawepdawe efa;fj orifgjarijfirajitharouekf vaifjaeifnagbgbdfaaufaure;fr arirejwojaerfgbalf aejfaerhfaunaf afefeuhaeufn;afnriafhairefnv neajfaepwrjiewfnv hfah;ejofahdlfjo;aj aeniehaehdlancarfhc aewfiefhaeruwfhav

That was a bit relieving.

Is this love? Have I fallen in the pit? Has the sting operation got me as well?


Hehehehehehehehe… don’t worry, nothing’s up with me. Just thought of giving some surprise to you guys and trick you all. I am absolutely well and doing fine indeed. The sting is still to trap me.

Life in Metro II—How to comb your hair in the train

If you do not have a mirror at your place, please do not worry. The Metro train is there to help all the hapless mirror-less poor souls in the dustbin of Delhi. Here's what you should do:

• Buy a Metro token for the metro train. It will be better if you have a smart card with you. Makes job easier and faster. Even more better if you take the token for the underground stretch.
• Press your token or card to that entry barrier-thing (Dunno what's it called. If anyone knows the correct name, please be kind enough to get back to me)
• Next thing, climb down (if you want you can climb upstairs as well. But if you really want to use the Metro train as a mirror, it would be better if you use the underground. Makes the peering job better). Use the escalator but it would be better if you make use of your natural escalators (your feet, silly boy/girl.. depends upon what you are. If you are none... then I am sorry, my English vocabulary ends here). Using both man-made and natural escalators together increases you speed (confused how? Well read Life in Metro Part I. Scroll down Honitus or save the agony of scrolling by clicking the link I have provided you lazybones).
• Wait for the Metro train to arrive. Many-a-times, it arrives 1-2 minutes late. If it is, then mouth some abuses at the driver. Trust me, that'll help.
• Rush into the Metro as most of your co-passengers do. If you are not that rush-type, then please stand back and enjoy the scene. Just make sure that you do not miss the train in your moment of enjoyment. If you do, start again with point number 4.
• Now that you are inside the train, I will tell you the position of the mirror. It is the glass of the doors my dear friends. Brace yourself for the most difficult part: the combing itself. Just try and stand near the gates and it'll be fine. It would be better of you stand near that gate that remains closed throughout the journey. The logic behind this is that since the other set of gates would keep opening and closing and a swarm of medieval Red Indians will keep coming in, chances are that you won't be able to comb your hair and the entire exercise would be rendered fruitless.
• With a hand on the handle, try peering into the glass and straightening your hair. The effects will be visible better if you are in the underground stretch. The darkness always helps. *wink*wink*
• Now your hair stand combed and you are ready to face the world. Who says the world needs a mirror? The metro is enough.

P.S. As a precaution, try not to step on the passenger standing next you while doing your hair. Just hold the handle tight so that you do not fall. Otherwise, there may not be any hair left on your scalp for you to comb.

I would like to express my gratitude to the anonymous co-passenger whom I met in the underground stretch and who demonstrated the elegant way in which the above exercise can be conducted. Thank you sir. May God bless your soul and may the Metro train glasses be spotlessly cleaned everyday to enable you to do this exercise daily and demonstrate your expertise in handling such delicate situations.

Some Cribs and a Wish List

Although I had promised that I am not going to crib before the year ends, something absolutely forced me to crib again.

Ø I am unable to understand what’s up with my lenses. Every time I wear them, my right eye becomes watery and forces me to fill buckets. It grows red giving me a dopey look. It has also made my right eye look smaller than my left one. Hell! Interestingly, I cry only with one eye (the right one of course) and seeing the condition of the eye, the nose starts crying and running at the same time.

Ø Another thing that is troubling me is my boss’s attitude. He treats me like an outcaste and a fathead who doesn’t understand anything. He makes me feel that my dad wasted his money by in trying to educate me as I am (he thinks so) still an uneducated ass.

Ø Why does my father insist on occupying the bathroom only after 8:30 am? Why not around 8:25 am? He should understand that now even I have to go to office and it’s not just him who’s working now. Is he aware that a word called ‘adjustment’ exists in the world?

Ø Why does Tanaz have to say “so sweet” to every darned thing?

Most people make resolutions for the New Year, I am making a Wish List and I hope that the chap who lives in the skies and calls himself God fulfills these wishes. Here goes the list:

Ø I wish that my college and college mates behave properly with me and try to understand that it is hateful to keep on thinking about their own selves and comfort.

Ø I wish that Delhi Jal Board does not goof up on the water supply in our locality so that we are not forced to go to the temple a street away to fill our buckets and that my grandmother sees the logic behind my so many arguments on leaving this locality for good.

Ø I wish that my lenses stop troubling my eyes and try not to turn them into hosepipes.

Ø I wish that my boss stops behaving like that.

Ø I wish that my father occupies the bathroom by 8:25 in the morning and vacates it by 8:50.

Ø I wish that I get lectured less from now on.

Ø I wish Tanaz stops saying “so sweet” to every darned thing.

Ø I wish my hypocrisy level goes down by the same time next year.

Ø I wish that I will have fewer reasons to crib next year.

Ø I wish that God grants me two more wishes the next year just in case I need to ask for more.

Cheers and wish you all a very Happy New Year!

Life in the Metro

This has been a rather frustrating end of the year. However, I want to end it on a humorous note. So, now I present a little anecdote from my life in the Metro (Metro as in the Metro train), though I must admit my Haryanvi language is extremely bad. So my apologies.

As usual the day began with lectures—that how I do not exercise and stuff like that. As usual I ignored it and settled down with the newspaper and shouted at my brother to stop bothering me with his set of Maths problems (Maths and I hardly go together and nor can we tolerate each other. I refuse to solve its problems and its problems just refuse to be solved by me). Anyways, we are digressing from the topic. Finally got ready to go to office after wondering what to wear today as everything that was staring at me from my wardrobe was O! so boring! The water as usual was hot and I was still feeling cold. After dressing up in all the finery and having had a typical unexciting breakfast of bread and butter with Bournvita milk, I stepped out of my house armed with a P.G. Wodehouse to read in the Metro. As usual I contemplated what mode of transport should I use—rickshaw or bus. I settled down in favour of the bus thinking that since it is winters, I would be better off in a warm bus, even if it is crowded, rather than a windy rickshaw. So left-right-left (I had just watched this programme on TV. The effects were still to wear off. The programme is about army cadets and features quite a number of eye-candies. Anyways, back to the topic again) I went to the bus-stop, boarded the bus and thanked God that it wasn’t too crowded and mentally uttered abuses at a few gawk-ers (Lord! How I hate such people) and finally reached the Metro station.

Again the usual—huffing and puffing, I finally climbed the stairs of the Metro station (They do not make escalators in our part of the metro station. This is what happens to the minority community in this country— injustice. The number of people who travel in the Metro from our part of the station is smaller than the other side—this makes us the minority community among the Metro travellers. We want reservation! We want reservation! Hopefully I will get a seat in the train from now on). Oho! Again we digress. Coming back, this time I got the escalator and climbed up. You see, that makes it quick—climbing the escalators with the escalator climbing in the same direction takes you up faster (This is Nobody’s Devil Law of Motion! But I hate Physics too!). And so I am on the platform now. The train arrives 1 minute late and I mentally reprimand the driver for being “so” late forgetting that it is India we live in. Then as usual, I stand back bemused watching the way in which people are trying to get into the train, literally pushing and pulling each other as if the train is going to leave them there and the next train isn’t going to come. I make a mental note of this and nod to myself in a righteous sort of way that at least I am not a part of this rat race quite forgetting the fact that it is me who has made an effort to remember the exact point on the platform where a door of the train opens.

(And now for the real bit) After being successful in finding my favourite place to stand in the train, I look around just to make sure nobody is gawking at me (if I had found such a person, I would have taken the pleasure of calling him a few names as well. Sadistic! One may say. However, I have found a new victim for that—my boss). Then I fished out my P.G., as I lovingly call it, and started reading. The train keeps halting at Metro station and moving again, as it is supposed to do. Comes: Pratap Nagar Metro Station. Enter: Mr. Haryanvi Jaat.

Mr Haryanvi Jaat (let’s call him HJ just like that weirdo Michael Jackson—MJ or maybe Mary Jane of Spiderman fame): Oh bhai! Ye Shahadra jayegi k nahi? [Will this train go to Shahadra?]
Helpful Passenger: Haan haan jayegi tau. [Yes, yes, it will uncle]
(Methought: Is it a f*****g bus?)

HJ is unable to balance himself. Falls on the passenger standing nearby who is looking distraught at having been relegated to such a torture. I, meanwhile, try to contain my laughter.

HJ: Ib is goley ka k karoon main? [What am I supposed to do with this token. Please note, the gola in question is the Metro token?]
Helpful Passenger: Is ko jab Shahadra utrogey tab dabbe me daal dena. [When you arrive at Shahadra, put it in the box].
HJ: Ye Shahadra jayegi na? [Will this go to Shahadra or not?]
(Methought: How many times are you going to ask that? Shut up now and let me read! The fool!)

The guy standing opposite to me is gaping at HJ in wonder contemplating whether he belongs to some other planet. I grin at him. He doesn’t grin back, clearly lost in thoughts. (Methought: Of course HJ belongs to the other planet—Haryana. Now that was a racial slur. Bad girl!)
By now it seemed that Helpful Passenger had gotten tired of him.

Helpful Passenger: Tau Metro me zyada bolna mana hai. [Uncle speaking too much is banned in Metro]
But HJ is damn smart.
HJ: Ib dikha de k kidhar likha hai Silence. [Show me where is it written: Silence, obviously he meant Maintain Silence.] (But this was no time to display my subbing skills. There was too much excitement on the ground, or maybe in the air, or mid-air. Oh whatever! Just read on!)

Repeats the dialogue a number of times, much to the amusement of the people around.
(Methought: This guy is just too cool. I am his fan. Autograph please!)

HJ: Acha beta! Manne ye bata k je tumhara thaila kho jaye, to kahan report likhwani padti hai. Mera thaila kho gaya tha pichli baar Metro me. K wo mil jayega? [Son! Tell me where should I report if I lose my bag in the Metro. I lost my bag last time here. Will I get it back?]

By now it seemed to me as if Helpful Passenger was in a mood to have fun with HJ.

Helpful Passenger: Tau agar paise honge to kabhi na milega. [If it had money, you will never find it]
HJ: Na beta. Paise na the. Bas kuch kagaz they, kachcha aur baniyan tha. [It did not have money. It had a pair of undergarments]
Helpful Passenger: Driver se pooch lena. [Ask the driver].
(Methought: The driver must be wearing your kachcha [underwear] and baniyan [vest] right now. That too over this pants playing Superman. Now that was an old joke)

In between the conversation, HJ had already asked whether the train will go to Shahadra at least once more. While most of us were getting down at Kashmiri Gate (wonder why Kashmiri Gate. Kashmir is in Jammu and Kashmir, not in Delhi), he asked once more the same question.

(Methought: If he says it once more, I am gonna scream and say... No, this one goes to Timbaktu)

To add to it....

Still more to add to my existing frustrations, this is what has been happening:

Ø There has been no water supply since 3 days. My grandmother refuses to leave this damned place and refuses to see the problems her children and grandchildren are facing without water. Had it been peak summer, I would have understood that there is shortage of water, but it is winters now. Areas around our locality are facing no such problems, then why only us? Everyday we have to fetch water from the temple a lane away—which has got a water booster—and carry the water to the first floor. Last year in the summers we had faced similar problems. Water had eluded us for 10 days at a stretch. I am sick of this locality, sick of this darned Haiderpur gaon.

The other day, I shouted hard at God, called him names and told him if I had friends like him, then I am better off without enemies. But he doesn't listen. There are enemies. Why is he like that?

Reasons why I am frustrated...

Ø I am going to miss out on an office party. Reason—practical exam for a subject that is just about useless and is called Radio Programme Formats. when the name of the paper is so dull and drab that one can very well imagine the content of the subject. And for such a subject, I am going to miss out on a rocking office party. :( :( :(

Ø This makes me regret why, in the first place, did I agree to join the stupid course. Why did I give in? I have nothing but my own weakness to blame for the same. But there is no use crying over spilt milk now. What had to occur has occurred and it cannot be changed as much as I may want a time machine to make the necessary changes.

Ø Another thing and this one is not my fault—that college is crap. My 54 grand stands wasted. The machines do not work properly and if they do, there is no electircity and there are no generators in our part of the world (read: campus. The other parts have been connected with the generator but it is only the Centre for Media Studies that has been singled out for this step-motherly treatment. If I try and be liberal, the faculty is just about average. We have been left like orphans, trying to find our feet in the University on our own with no one to help us. The weekend programme has been converted into a weekday programme to complete all the pending work beacuse the studios were not ready on time and we lost at least 2 months. Just to make the grim picture complete, the authorities have been made to feel as if we are not serious about our studies. I mean what the hell!

Ø On top of it all, my parents are not ready to admit that taking admission into this Goddamn university was a mistake. They feel they have done the right thing. One gets post-graduate degrees in any damned correspondence course from any non-descript university and that too in peanuts if it was just the degree that they were interested in. But no… they are always correct.

Yeah, I am frustrated. Anyone will be. Everything seems to predict just doom. Doom Doom Doom and Boom, I just blew up. Some day IP University, you are gonna pay. And I will make sure that day comes soon.