Repeat... That's the whole tragedy

Exactly a week left for me to turn 21. Imagine me being 21! Sounds funny doesn't it? But I've hardly changed and yet there's a change. That's the irony of my life. The thing is there and yet not there. I want something and yet I do not want that thing. Most of the times, I am in a confusion whether to go in for that thing or not, whether to say something or not, whether I want to be good or bad. That's what happens with this blog too—I want to write and yet when I start to write, I don't like it and tell myself that something better needs to be put up here in this space and I end up erasing every little precious thing I wrote. Imagine! I have at least two drafts of blog pieces in my post which I am yet to complete and though I plan to complete them soon, my mood swings to the other side and they are left as they were. Phew! Quite a long and complex sentence. But then that's how my life is. Long, dull, complicated and boring. And I had thought that being complicated was fun.

I often digress from my point. I have so much to say that I puke all over the screen without giving a thought about you, my poor readers. This blog has been silent for quite some time. Not that I haven't tried to write; I swear I did but I ended up somehow increasing the number of drafts in my blog. And there are still two more copies in my register that I'd written during a class and had thought would post it here and couldn't as they never got completed as somebody interrupted me and now I do not feel like completing them. That's the whole problem. Repetitive na.. I know.. That's a tragedy too.

Some people say I crib a lot. I agree. Many people say this is an angst-ridden blog. I agree again. But then I can't help it. Maybe I can but I've never tried. I suppose I must give it a try but I think I will keep forgetting this that I have to restrain myself. Even when I write this, I remember that I have to restrain myself. Off you go! Back to my books. I was supposed to study and I'm blogging. This is my problem (I know I am repeating myself..and this 'repeat' dialogue is repeating itself again). I just cannot help digress and restrain myself. (Repeat) There I go again. Apologies! And more apologies for not having written anything this month. I had planned to write something about my resolutions this birthday but somehow ended up cribbing yet again. But planning won't help me. Most of my plans go haywire just like this one did. The reason—my not sticking to the script. Take, for instance, my morning walks which have stopped again, first for that Goddamn special issue and then because of the Goddamn college and its exams. So, I might just put up a NO RESOLUTION board yet again like this:
NO RESOLUTION (though I am planning to start morning walking again)

Oh! and bye for now. I suppose I wrote a lot after saying I will stop and I just get this feeling that I'm going to start all over again. This is a Goddamn vicious cirlce. Irony yet again! (Repeat) Buhbye! And my apologies for all repetitions and many many thanks for being so tolerant of me. And now I am thinking of putting a headline, it is there and yet not there. Repetitive again... I know. That's the problem, I know everything and yet not know anything. Shut up Devil!